Setting: Urban condo, modern day. I am in the kitchen making dinner; my man is on the couch watching television and drinking Maker's.
My man: "I want a Lap Band."
Me: "Why do you want a lap dance? From who?"
My man (laughing): "Lap Band. Because I'm fat! Not lap dance!"
Me: "I've never given anyone a lap dance. You don't have much of a lap!"
My man: Lap Band. I just saw a commercial for the Lap Band!"
Me: "You want your black pants? You split the crotch when you bent over in that hotel room in Italy, remember?"
My man: "No! Not my black pants! Lap Band. Lap Band! I'm too fat! I split my black pants, and there's no room on my lap for a dance."
Me: "What's a Lap Band?"
We need either an open kitchen or hearing aids.
(In case you don't know what it is either, here's the website for the Lap Band system:
http://www.lapband.com/)
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