Picture this: You are hungry. The thought of cooking, or even assembling something paralyzes your brain. Suddenly, you have a revelation light up your conscious mind. You can order some takeout!
You place your order, speaking articulately and with all the charm you can muster. You pick up your food, exchange pleasantries with the man behind the curtain...you even leave a generous 10% tip.
You get home. Your stomach growls in anticipation of greatness. You kick off your shoes, pour yourself a glass of your favorite libation. Then you open your bag.
Uh oh! Contents have shifted. Kung pao chicken has capsized! It's now glued to your container of white rice. Chicken teriyaki skewers have punctured their flimsy foil bag, and stab you in the hand when you try to intervene. And where's the hot mustard? They always forget the hot mustard...
Uh oh! You open your pizza box. The cheese is glued to the inside box top. And what's with the...green peppers? You ordered mushrooms and pepperoni. Where are the hot wings? Why is there a diet Coke in here? You hate diet Coke!
Uh oh! Where are the anchovies on your Caesar salad? There's butter, but how about the bread? Your onion rings have burned a hole through their styrofoam container and congealed into a soggy clump. And what are all these sticky ketchup packets for?
You believed that these things don't happen to those as successful, educated, and powerful as youself. But you, dear reader, just got screwed with the takeout.
It happens to the best of us. We all get those Valu-Pak coupons in the mail. We read the local paper's reviews. Even the yellow pages has a restaurant menu section these days. It's difficult to separate the wheat from the chaff - you just don't know what's what. But you know you gotta eat. So you take a chance.
There are ways to minimize the amount of trial and error involved. For one thing, it can't hurt to ask around! Talk to people who like to eat. Sometimes becoming a regular "taker outer" at a place helps you to get better treatment more consistently. Sometimes sitting down for a meal at a place helps - you get more "face time" with the staff. Sometimes tipping helps; sometimes speaking slowly and clearly helps, sometimes becoming friendly with the owner helps. Sometimes nothing helps.
Here's something that can't hurt - a list of what's important to a good takeout experience. I'll put it out there. Maybe it will start a revolution in a paper bag.
Inclusion Criteria for Steph's Takeout Rotation
1) Containers should neither leak nor disintigrate
In general, styrofoam and paper will not hold up to saucy and/or hot foods. Chinese takeout containers are paper, but seem to be coated with something so for the most part those are ok, with a couple of caveats: they must remain upright, closed, and not overfilled. Oh, and please, don't bend those metal handles. They never unbend well.
By far the best containers are plastic (I'm ready for the onslaught from the environmental police) with a good snap-into-place lid. There are the rectangular ones that are great for Chinese and Thai food, larger square ones that suit entrees and salads well, and those clear pint and quart soup containers that also hold saucy Indian dishes well.
Those round aluminum containers with the crimp-top arrangement are ok, provided the Chinese paper rules are followed*.
So, quick recap:
-Chinese paper, plastic with snappy lids, round aluminum with crimpy lids = ok.
-All manner of paper and/or styrofoam for hot and/or saucy dishes = not ok.
2) Orders should be accurate at least 95% of the time
Perfection is elusive. I know this. Even I make mistakes some of the time. So I feel that my 95% accuracy rule is very generous. Missing items, incorrect items, surprise additions, inappropriate condiments...these all create unnecessary angst for the taker outer. The whole point of getting takeout in the first place is to minimize said angst. 'Nuff said on this one.
3) Bags should be of appropriate size, packed efficiently, and have handles
People who say that size doesn't matter? They're wrong. The appropriately sized bag allows ample room for containers to remain upright without unwanted shifting. A talented packing person should have good common sense and not be spatially impaired. A big, heavy container does not balance well on top of delicate salad dressings. It's not Jenga, people. This is takeout we're talking about.
Handles make life easier. Plain and simple.
4) The bill should match the order
This one is pretty self-explanatory, and goes hand in hand with number 2. Don't charge me for things I didn't order. If you are going to charge me for something I didn't order, I'd much prefer it actually be physically present in my bag than not.
5) Cashier/bartender should be reasonably pleasant, or at least civil
I know this is Rhode Island, so this may be asking a bit much. Just try not to sneer at me if I show up in my gym clothes, ok? Especially if I tip you well. Just sayin'.
Whew! Glad I got that out of my system. I now proceed to give you...
Steph's Takeout Restaurant Roster
1) Parkside (http://www.parksideprovidence.com/parkside_home.html)
You place your order, speaking articulately and with all the charm you can muster. You pick up your food, exchange pleasantries with the man behind the curtain...you even leave a generous 10% tip.
You get home. Your stomach growls in anticipation of greatness. You kick off your shoes, pour yourself a glass of your favorite libation. Then you open your bag.
Uh oh! Contents have shifted. Kung pao chicken has capsized! It's now glued to your container of white rice. Chicken teriyaki skewers have punctured their flimsy foil bag, and stab you in the hand when you try to intervene. And where's the hot mustard? They always forget the hot mustard...
Uh oh! You open your pizza box. The cheese is glued to the inside box top. And what's with the...green peppers? You ordered mushrooms and pepperoni. Where are the hot wings? Why is there a diet Coke in here? You hate diet Coke!
Uh oh! Where are the anchovies on your Caesar salad? There's butter, but how about the bread? Your onion rings have burned a hole through their styrofoam container and congealed into a soggy clump. And what are all these sticky ketchup packets for?
You believed that these things don't happen to those as successful, educated, and powerful as youself. But you, dear reader, just got screwed with the takeout.
It happens to the best of us. We all get those Valu-Pak coupons in the mail. We read the local paper's reviews. Even the yellow pages has a restaurant menu section these days. It's difficult to separate the wheat from the chaff - you just don't know what's what. But you know you gotta eat. So you take a chance.
There are ways to minimize the amount of trial and error involved. For one thing, it can't hurt to ask around! Talk to people who like to eat. Sometimes becoming a regular "taker outer" at a place helps you to get better treatment more consistently. Sometimes sitting down for a meal at a place helps - you get more "face time" with the staff. Sometimes tipping helps; sometimes speaking slowly and clearly helps, sometimes becoming friendly with the owner helps. Sometimes nothing helps.
Here's something that can't hurt - a list of what's important to a good takeout experience. I'll put it out there. Maybe it will start a revolution in a paper bag.
Inclusion Criteria for Steph's Takeout Rotation
1) Containers should neither leak nor disintigrate
In general, styrofoam and paper will not hold up to saucy and/or hot foods. Chinese takeout containers are paper, but seem to be coated with something so for the most part those are ok, with a couple of caveats: they must remain upright, closed, and not overfilled. Oh, and please, don't bend those metal handles. They never unbend well.
By far the best containers are plastic (I'm ready for the onslaught from the environmental police) with a good snap-into-place lid. There are the rectangular ones that are great for Chinese and Thai food, larger square ones that suit entrees and salads well, and those clear pint and quart soup containers that also hold saucy Indian dishes well.
Those round aluminum containers with the crimp-top arrangement are ok, provided the Chinese paper rules are followed*.
So, quick recap:
-Chinese paper, plastic with snappy lids, round aluminum with crimpy lids = ok.
-All manner of paper and/or styrofoam for hot and/or saucy dishes = not ok.
2) Orders should be accurate at least 95% of the time
Perfection is elusive. I know this. Even I make mistakes some of the time. So I feel that my 95% accuracy rule is very generous. Missing items, incorrect items, surprise additions, inappropriate condiments...these all create unnecessary angst for the taker outer. The whole point of getting takeout in the first place is to minimize said angst. 'Nuff said on this one.
3) Bags should be of appropriate size, packed efficiently, and have handles
People who say that size doesn't matter? They're wrong. The appropriately sized bag allows ample room for containers to remain upright without unwanted shifting. A talented packing person should have good common sense and not be spatially impaired. A big, heavy container does not balance well on top of delicate salad dressings. It's not Jenga, people. This is takeout we're talking about.
Handles make life easier. Plain and simple.
4) The bill should match the order
This one is pretty self-explanatory, and goes hand in hand with number 2. Don't charge me for things I didn't order. If you are going to charge me for something I didn't order, I'd much prefer it actually be physically present in my bag than not.
5) Cashier/bartender should be reasonably pleasant, or at least civil
I know this is Rhode Island, so this may be asking a bit much. Just try not to sneer at me if I show up in my gym clothes, ok? Especially if I tip you well. Just sayin'.
Whew! Glad I got that out of my system. I now proceed to give you...
Steph's Takeout Restaurant Roster
1) Parkside (http://www.parksideprovidence.com/parkside_home.html)
Parkside is great on all counts, for takeout and dining in. I love it so, and owe it a proper nod in a future post of its own. Relevant point: it's great for takeout. In addition to fulfilling all the essential criteria, they always have interesting specials and will read them to you nicely over the phone. They are probably the most consistent of all area takeout places I know - a class act.
Parkside Rotisserie & Bar
76 South Main Street
Providence, RI 02903
(401) 331-0003
2) Shanghai
Shanghai does a great job, though I've never actually been to the restaurant. They deliver, and they're fast. The only issues I've had are that they rarely make anything spicy enough (even if I say, "Extra, extra, extra, extra, extra spicy - 10 star spicy - not American spicy") and they sometimes forget the hot mustard.
Shanghai
272 Thayer Street
Providence, RI 02906
(401) 331-0077
3) Taste of India
I love this place for the food, but also for the warm and friendly proprietors. They always remember my name, and even my order. Plus, I get what I ask for. Kadai chicken, no cream, extra spicy means the same thing to them as it does to me.
How can you beat that?
Taste of India
230 Wickenden Street
Providence, RI 02903
(401) 421-4355
4) Sakura
Good, fresh sushi, really fast. The staff is a little brusque, but always nice to me (must be my innate charm). Nothing fancy, just good, fresh, fast sushi. Compared to Haruki East, it's a veritable bargain.
Sakura
231 Wickenden Street
Providence, RI 02903
(401) 331-6861
Those are the big 4 for us. We order pizza on occasion (less frequently than I would if I lived with a man who actually liked pizza and viewed it as something other than college/drunk food, but I digress) and when we do, it's usually Pizza Pie-er and sometimes Fellini's, and they both meet the inclusion criteria.
So, readers, what are your favorite places for takeout? What are your takeout peeves?
*they must remain upright, closed, and not overfilled
Parkside Rotisserie & Bar
76 South Main Street
Providence, RI 02903
(401) 331-0003
2) Shanghai
Shanghai does a great job, though I've never actually been to the restaurant. They deliver, and they're fast. The only issues I've had are that they rarely make anything spicy enough (even if I say, "Extra, extra, extra, extra, extra spicy - 10 star spicy - not American spicy") and they sometimes forget the hot mustard.
Shanghai
272 Thayer Street
Providence, RI 02906
(401) 331-0077
3) Taste of India
I love this place for the food, but also for the warm and friendly proprietors. They always remember my name, and even my order. Plus, I get what I ask for. Kadai chicken, no cream, extra spicy means the same thing to them as it does to me.
How can you beat that?
Taste of India
230 Wickenden Street
Providence, RI 02903
(401) 421-4355
4) Sakura
Good, fresh sushi, really fast. The staff is a little brusque, but always nice to me (must be my innate charm). Nothing fancy, just good, fresh, fast sushi. Compared to Haruki East, it's a veritable bargain.
Sakura
231 Wickenden Street
Providence, RI 02903
(401) 331-6861
Those are the big 4 for us. We order pizza on occasion (less frequently than I would if I lived with a man who actually liked pizza and viewed it as something other than college/drunk food, but I digress) and when we do, it's usually Pizza Pie-er and sometimes Fellini's, and they both meet the inclusion criteria.
So, readers, what are your favorite places for takeout? What are your takeout peeves?
*they must remain upright, closed, and not overfilled
1 comment:
Thanks for your comment on my blog!
I'll have to think about more takeout places - my office orders out a lot and we have some favorites, but somehow I'm drawing a blank right now.
Sawadee on Hope St. is great for carryout. http://sawaddeerestaurant.com/
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