Watching Elaine squirt Hershey's syrup into Jerry's carton of Breyer's on tonight's Seinfeld episode, I was reminded of my love for the sugary, hydrogenated oil-laden, wet-to-hard epiphany in a bottle that is Magic Shell. This love began sometime in the mid-8os, and many a bottle was emptied at my hand before I read the ingredient list. (Damn the electric fence! Damn the electric fence!)
Magic Shell, why can't you make all that hocus pocus happen without the trans fats? Couldn't you fudge the results of whatever analysis you perform, to save our collective conscience from knowing the truth?
FDA, why can't we just eat shit and not know what's in it?
Now, now...that's not really what I want. I've ranted and railed long and loud against trans fats, eons before it was fashionable. But oh boy do I miss Magic Shell.
Public Service Announcement
If ever I lose function of my gray matter (at least the part which cares about trans fats), I beg of you: feed me some mint chocolate chip Häagen-Dazs with a bottle of Magic Shell. French Vanilla will be equally of value to my taste buds. And how did I achieve that fancy umlat? Cut and paste, baby...cut and paste.
I'll end this lovely post with a funny ice cream memory (I'll squeeze it in before the Dinnerman arrives with our Indian food).
Upon arriving home from school when I was perhaps 14 years of age, I opened the freezer in the hopes of finding some ice cream. Hooray! I grabbed the big carton of Neopolitan, which felt a little light, but whatever. That didn't make it past the back of my eager mind.
Proceeding blindly to scoop myself a bowl, I was already gone. Mmmmm...colloidal clumps of joy. Come to mama.
All the more disappointing then was my discovery of nothing but a thin layer of the goods coating the bottom of the container. Even more appalling was one of our kitchen spoons, frozen solid into the remains of the day. Thanks, sis!
That image will forever be indelibly etched into my mind. Another childhood memory. My shrink will find it priceless.
1 comment:
Ah, Magic Shell, nectar of the gods. Remember when it disappeared for a few years? I remember when it came back. I was in a grocery store, while I was in college, and stopped dead in my tracks when I saw neatly stacked brown bottles filled with the goodness that is Magic Shell. I immediately bought some, and have had at least one bottle in my pantry ever since.
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